The benefits of a Divorce Coach

Of the many things I know now that I wish I’d known before I started the divorce process…the benefits of a divorce coach ranks at the top of the list! 

The reasons are simple: I would have increased my self-esteem, lowered my overall stress and spent less on attorneys. 

Instead I tried going it alone and even tried talking to a therapist. 

Don’t get me wrong, I had good legal representation and therapists are great folks but just not what I needed at that time.

My divorce was a marathon – or more accurately, the divorce was quick but the modifications became a marathon that provided me with 10 years of hard-fought experience with the family court system in 2 states.

Armed with this experience and a great deal of personal exploration and growth, I have come to realize that a Coach would have saved me time, money, and heartache.

In fact, this experience is what prompted me to leave a 25 year career in high-tech to reach out to others going through divorce.

Each time another mediation or court date would approach, my attorney’s would tell me to relax and to not let the opposing side get to me. How to do that was up to me.

I feel proud of the job I did in terms of having a set of goals and staying focused on my children. I was never motivated by vengeance or greed, it was always about what I believed was best for my children.

That said, where I needed coaching was in understanding and communicating the priority of my goals and more importantly, in understanding why my goals were important to me in the first place.

Too often I would swing at a pitch in the dirt from my ex or his attorney because I believed there was a point that needed to be clarified (aka ‘set straight’) or because I thought there might be a perceived connection between what had been said about me and the outcome of the case.  My swinging at the nasty pitch was a no-win situation but I didn’t see it at the time.

Had I had a Coach I would have also had a firm grasp of my values, a clear vision of my future, a set of goals to reach my vision, , and trust in myself. 

Armed with this insight I would have brought my best self to every court and mediation session, to every attorney meeting, and to every co-parenting interaction and would have spent far less $$ reacting and fighting.

This doesn’t mean getting my way or avoiding all issues, but just like a personal trainer, a Coach would have helped me stay focused on MY vision and my goals and not get sucked into someone else’s definition of success.