[Fall Sale] Dana's Story

I want you to meet my client Dana. 

Dana came to me in a panic.

She had had what she thought was a happy marriage - until her husband had confessed to an affair and announced that he wanted a divorce.

She was shocked.

She felt as if the rug had been pulled out from underneath her life. 

The divorce process was happening so quickly that she was stressed beyond belief. This isn’t what she imagined for her life, and she didn’t know how it was all going to turn out.

She was so scared!

We began our coaching process by putting the focus back on her. 

We talked through HER values and what SHE wanted - not what her ex wanted.

Can I tell you how refreshing that was for her?

Each session we worked through issues such as her financial situation, her parenting choices, and her overwhelm at it all.

And, when we were halfway through our coaching time, she went home to visit family.

They remarked right away that she seemed taller.

They said, “something’s different, what are you doing?

She replied, “I’m working with Chris, a Divorce Coach!” 

Yep! That’s the beauty of taking back your power - feeling more confident and clear about who you are and where you are headed!

Want to stand a little straighter like Dana did? Take advantage of The Transition Navigator Fall Sale!

Read all about The Transition Navigator here. 

Have questions? Contact me and we can chat.

Through these 3 coaching sessions I’ll help you create tools that work for you.

You are the captain of your life - give yourself the tools you need to effectively navigate your journey.

Do you have a neighbor, close friend or co-worker that this would apply to? Instead of saying “I’m so sorry you are going through this,” how about forwarding this email?

The benefits of a Divorce Coach

Of the many things I know now that I wish I’d known before I started the divorce process…the benefits of a divorce coach ranks at the top of the list! 

The reasons are simple: I would have increased my self-esteem, lowered my overall stress and spent less on attorneys. 

Instead I tried going it alone and even tried talking to a therapist. 

Don’t get me wrong, I had good legal representation and therapists are great folks but just not what I needed at that time.

My divorce was a marathon – or more accurately, the divorce was quick but the modifications became a marathon that provided me with 10 years of hard-fought experience with the family court system in 2 states.

Armed with this experience and a great deal of personal exploration and growth, I have come to realize that a Coach would have saved me time, money, and heartache.

In fact, this experience is what prompted me to leave a 25 year career in high-tech to reach out to others going through divorce.

Each time another mediation or court date would approach, my attorney’s would tell me to relax and to not let the opposing side get to me. How to do that was up to me.

I feel proud of the job I did in terms of having a set of goals and staying focused on my children. I was never motivated by vengeance or greed, it was always about what I believed was best for my children.

That said, where I needed coaching was in understanding and communicating the priority of my goals and more importantly, in understanding why my goals were important to me in the first place.

Too often I would swing at a pitch in the dirt from my ex or his attorney because I believed there was a point that needed to be clarified (aka ‘set straight’) or because I thought there might be a perceived connection between what had been said about me and the outcome of the case.  My swinging at the nasty pitch was a no-win situation but I didn’t see it at the time.

Had I had a Coach I would have also had a firm grasp of my values, a clear vision of my future, a set of goals to reach my vision, , and trust in myself. 

Armed with this insight I would have brought my best self to every court and mediation session, to every attorney meeting, and to every co-parenting interaction and would have spent far less $$ reacting and fighting.

This doesn’t mean getting my way or avoiding all issues, but just like a personal trainer, a Coach would have helped me stay focused on MY vision and my goals and not get sucked into someone else’s definition of success.

How to pursue Peace in your divorce.

A follow up to ‘The Pursuit of Peace’ blog

Peace is a journey not a destination.

In my original blog on the topic of pursuing peace in the divorce process, I highlighted three benefits to this pursuit:

1. Creates a solution mindset – moving away from conflict
    
2. Provides hope and helps you achieve your vision – creating a vision that does not include the conflict & helps create momentum toward peace
    
3. Sets a good example for your children and others around you

Before we go too far down this path on how to pursue peace, I want to state a few things out loud.

Pursuing peace is for you.

It isn’t losing and it isn’t weakness.

It’s a choice and one that gets made again and again during and after a divorce.

How you ask?

How do I pursue peace when my ex is out for blood?

How do I pursue peace when I’m about to lose my house?

How on earth do I pursue peace when my heart is broken?

Let’s start by defining ‘what’ peace is for you.  

This first step is one that is often overlooked. In fact, racing past this first step doesn’t just happen during life transitions it is often missed in business and in international relations as well.

Peace isn’t the absence of fighting or immediate danger although that may be a component of the solution. Peace is deeper and the more clearly we define what we’re striving for, the more likely we are to achieve it.

So, back to step 1 – define what peace means to you.

Below are 5 key questions to bring peace to life for you.

1. What does peace mean to me?

2. What do I get when I have peace?
    
3. What is good about having or getting those things? (Yes, this is a distinctly different question from the previous one)
    
4. What does peace look and feel like?
    
5. How will I know when it’s there? How do I know when it’s missing?

As an example, consider one client’s perspective on these questions.

Peace means no raised voices in anger in my home; respect for each person’s opinion and belongings, and taking personal responsibility. What I get when I have peace is a sense of relaxation and I don’t have to worry that things will erupt any moment. My children are also free to be themselves rather than worrying about the possibility of an explosion. What’s good about these things is that I have more physical and emotional energy to focus on other things like my children, my job, and my future. Peace looks like power to me. It feels like I’m in control of my emotions and my daily life. I know peace is there when my heart rate is steady and I breathe deeply. I know it’s missing when I feel distracted, tense, fearful and ‘on guard’.

Step back for a moment and take in these questions.

Put yourself in the mindset of having the peace you seek.

Don’t worry about ‘how’ you’re going to get there, stay focused on what you want, why you want it and what having it gives you.

Remember, this is a journey; you are defining your purpose objectives. ‘How’ you will embark on this journey will be discussed in the next segment.